Romance Fraud

Romance Fraud has been around for a number of years and are, in my opinion, some of the worst scams around. The majority of victims tend to be males or females in their 50's or more, who have recently divorced or widowed, but this isn't totally restricted to this age group, it can affect all ages.

Typically the fraudster will create a fake profile page on a social media platform or a dating website of some sort. Once you make contact with the fraudster, or they make contact with you, they will normally spend a period of time getting to know who you are and everything about you, and likewise you will no doubt want to know as much as you can about them. You'll maybe send messages via WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger, email, text and sometimes you may even have a video call with them, though the video chat will usually be of really bad quality with regular dropped out connections rendering the chat almost useless.

You'll often find similarities on interests, hobbies, future goals etc. It may be uncanny how much you both have in common. After a while you'll be convinced you have found the one you have been looking for and this is what the fraudster wants.

Often the fraudster you have connected with will have a job in a faraway place, maybe somewhere exotic? They could be an oil rig worker working off of the coast of Thailand or Africa or they could be Military personnel working in Afghanistan or Iraq. They may be carrying out Anti Pirating duties on cargo ships travelling through the Gulf of Aden off of the coast of Somalia. They may even be working for the British Red Cross or other charities carrying out humanitarian duties in all sorts of places across the world. The remote locations these stories originate from often make it easy to explain how the internet connection on video calls is so terrible or why they can’t do video calls at all. There are many different stories that these fraudsters come up with. This is just a small example.

During that whole "Honeymoon" phase the fraudster will no doubt be carrying out research on you. They will be trawling your social media profiles, looking at your photos, your friends, places you have been, the personalities you display when writing your posts on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc. A good fraudster will get to know you more than you know yourself and will often change their profile to match yours. This way you can see for yourself just how perfect a match you really are. Once they have drawn you in, the next phase of their scam will begin to take effect.

After a while of regular chat back and forth the fraudster will eventually ask you for money. It won’t be as blatant as "give me £100" as you would likely find that too suspicious or too blunt. You would be on your guard if the fraudster was as forward as that. Instead it'll be more like;

"I've been involved in a motor bike accident whilst on shore leave in Thailand, I'm stuck in hospital, I have a broken leg and my wallet with my card is back on the oil rig and I can’t pay the hospital fees. Can you please send me "X" amount of money so I can pay the hospital fees. I'll pay you back as soon as I get back to the rig."

Or it could be;

"I'm coming to see you, it was meant to be a surprise and I'm at the airport, for some reason my bank has frozen my account and I can't pay for the flight, I wanted it to be a surprise. Can you wire me some money so I can pay for the flight? Once I get the issue resolved with my bank I'll pay you back."

Whatever narrative is used there will be a sense of urgency in the request and they will play on your emotions if you ask any or too many questions. The idea is to part you with your money quickly without you thinking too much into it. They don't want you dwelling on it as you may come to your senses and realise it’s a fraud. Instead, they want the urgency to come through in their story so that you comply with the request.

More recently due to the global COVID-19 pandemic many of these "flight" stories have changed to a story where they have actually caught a flight to come and see you however the plane has now diverted and they have to pay hotel fees for isolation...and surprise surprise they won’t have the funds! Either way the payment they request will often be via a service like Paysend, Western Union or other methods that provide some anonymity to the receiving party. Since 2020 payments in Crypto Currency have also been on the rise due to the development of a number of apps that making purchasing crypto currency easier.

Now you may be reading this and think "I'll never fall for that! It’s too obvious" but you have to remember some romance scams play out over a long period of time. It could take months to get to the stage whereby they ask you for money. In the mean time they are messaging you multiple times a day explaining how amazing it is that they found you and how perfect you are. They will play to your ego, your emotions and they will pull you in to their story. Once they start asking for money and you pay them, they will ask again and again until you either have no money left, you have given them everything you have or until you figure out it is a fraud and break all contact. The fraudsters can also be very emotional with you when requesting your money. They may state to you that you clearly don’t trust them, or you don’t truly want to be with them or they may say that if you really love them then you’ll send them the money. Emotion often plays a big part in these scams and the fraudsters are very good at getting you to do things you wouldn’t normally do.

Some people in the U.K. have lost hundreds of thousands of pounds. I am aware of reports whereby victims have lost in excess of £250,000 over the period of a year and I have no doubt that there are some who have lost even more.

So how do you protect yourself?

Not all scams will play out the way I have talked about above. Some fraudsters will begin asking for money fairly quickly or will be over emotional in their narrative, often diving into the world of marriage within weeks. Only the more sophisticated ones will spend the time and effort to drag this whole process out over months or years but the reward is often worth the effort for them. The sophisticated ones are the ones which are hardest to spot. So how do you protect yourself?

Fraud Indicators

Be aware that this fraud exists!

If you are aware that this fraud exists then you will less likely fall victim (this is the main reason why I created this blog...to raise awareness in all scams and frauds). Sometimes it’s good to have that thought in the back of your mind that some things are just too good to be true. If you meet the "one" and they are adventurous, live in exotic places, lead exciting lives and somehow, that one person you have met who lives on the other side of the world has so much in common with you maybe ask yourself the question....is this too good to be true? If so, just be aware!

Now I’m not saying that if you do meet “the one” on a dating website then you’re being scammed. Some people have met the love of their life on dating websites and there are many success stories. What I’m saying is if you are aware that on dating sites it’s likely that there is a fraudster lurking amongst their members then you will hopefully be less likely to fall victim simply due to being aware or more alert.

Emotion

If after you have met this person they very quickly become emotionally attached, confess their undying love, tell you how perfect you are etc. then this should raise alarm bells. Often the narrative that fraudsters use in romance scams is designed to paint a picture in your mind of happiness and romance, leading you to believe this person is perfect. In reality, rarely does a relationship go from meeting online to proposals of marriage within weeks. If the person you are speaking to becomes overly emotional and clingy very quickly, then alarm bells should be ringing.

Language

Many of the fraudsters have stories that they are British oil rig workers, aid workers or U.S. military service personnel or something similar. You would think that if you are British or American then your use of the English language should be pretty good. Now I say “should” because I am aware that even people born and raised in English speaking countries struggle with their use of the English language, however, what's common in most of these scams is there are often lots of spelling mistakes and their grammar is usually pretty appalling. If you meet someone who is born, raised and educated in Cambridge but talks like Borat then that should be an indicator.

Communication method

Many of these frauds will usually start on the dating platform, but very quickly the fraudster will attempt to steer you away from the dating platform you are using and move to a platform of their preference. This will usually be something like WhatsApp, email, normal text messaging, Facebook Messenger or something similar. It’s unlikely they will want to talk to you on the phone or video call you as this will give away who they really are. If you spoke with Sam Smith from Norwich and he talks with a strong North African accent you may start asking questions and the fraudster won’t want that.

You will likely get all sorts of excuses as to why they can't talk to you over the phone or why they can't video call. Mostly it will be down to the internet not supporting enough bandwidth for video calls or they don't have a webcam. There are loads of excuses that could be used and all could be very plausible, but keep in the back of your mind that this excuse could also be in place so you don't find out that Sam Smith isn't actually from Norwich....

Promises that can't be kept

As the romance scam progresses, you will at some point be given a promise that can’t be kept. This could be something like the fraudster is coming to see you. Usually by this point the victim is pretty drawn in on the fraud and will be overjoyed that this amazing person they met online is actually coming to see them and finally their relationship can become more real......then the visit will be cancelled for one reason or another and this is sometimes where the "asking for money" starts, if it hasn't already done so by this point.

As already mentioned, recently due to COVID a common narrative has been that the fraudster has got on a flight and someone on the flight has tested positive and now the plane has diverted. The fraudster now has to quarantine and, low and behold, they need help with payments. Whatever the promise the fraudster uses, you can be damned sure it won’t be kept and it’ll likely involve your purse or wallet in some way.

The biggest indicator of all....asking for money.

If at any point during your online romance, Sam Smith from Norwich starts asking you for money then you really need to stop and think before you transfer even £1. If any of the indicators above are present then think about breaking contact and report them to the dating website you met them on. It’s likely that this is a fraud and Sam is actually after your money.

Maybe I am old fashioned but if I was dating someone the last thing I would ask them for is money. If he is an oil rig worker or a U.S. Special Forces soldier then his employer will help him out financially or his work colleagues if he is that stuck or hard up. It shouldn’t take your wallet to rescue them out of a sticky situation, especially when you have never met them face to face and only have online communication with them.

What to do if you have been scammed.

If you are reading this and you have been a victim of a romance fraud, realize you are currently in a romance fraud or have a friend who you believe may be a victim then the first thing to do is call the Police. If you are not quite ready to call the police or feel that you are not 100% sure this is a fraud and calling the police might ruin things then at the very least tell a trusted friend. The phrase “can’t see the wood for all the trees” is very true in this situation. If you are sucked in on a romance fraud then you may not see it or want to see it, but someone with an outside perspective will be able to see your relationship for what it is. If your gut tells you something is odd then tell a friend or call the Police and request advice. The police are there to deal with crime but they are also there to provide assistance to the public and if that is simply just passing advice over the phone or chatting with you in person then they will do this.

If you have decided to call the police, don’t tell the scammer you have called the police, this will likely result in a bombardment of messages with the aim of getting you to cancel any police action. The fraudster will undoubtedly tell you that police action will damage their careers and they will get sacked or some other excuse to tug on your emotions and get you to reverse your actions...DON’T CANCEL THE POLICE. Most law enforcement agencies will likely have seen scams like this many times over and they will be able to advise you on what steps to take next.

Make sure you provide as much information as you can to the police about the scam. If you have transferred money via bank transfer then provide them with copies of your bank statement which show the sort code and account number the money was transferred to. Likewise, if you have sent money via Crypto Currency, provide the police with your wallet address and the wallet addresses you transferred the money too and the police will follow the transactions on the blockchain. If you have sent money via Western Union or Paysend or a similar method then provide the police with any recipient details you may have. Any emails or screenshots of WhatsApp and Facebook messages will also be very useful to the police enquiry. Anything and everything you can provide the police will be of help; let them decide what is useful to the enquiry and what isn’t.

Contact your bank

Finally, tell your bank you are a victim of fraud. Your bank will likely carry out an assessment to find out if you account is at threat of being compromised. If you haven’t provided the fraudster with your log on details then you should be okay but your bank’s fraud team will advise you with what’s best. Inform the bank that you have contacted the police and provide them with any police crime reference numbers you have been given as your bank will record this. It will also assist the police when they make contact with your bank.

When it comes to U.K. banks there is a compensation scheme that the majority of the big banks pay into. Think of this as a victim’s compensation pot that the banks pay into and can apply to withdraw money from in order to reimburse victims of fraud....however, in my experience, banks don’t like to part with their money.

If you are a victim of fraud you are going to have a fight with the bank in order to get reimbursed the money you have lost. The narrative I have always seen used by the banks is that the victim is at fault as the victim didn’t do any due diligence or were just plain stupid to fall for such a scam. It may not be in these exact words but you can read between the lines when the banks reply back to you. My advice...fight it out! You have already lost your money so you have nothing further to lose. If the banks won’t back down then take it to the Financial Ombudsman who will review you case as an independent intermediary and will assist where necessary.

I am not going to go any further into fighting with the banks on this particular blog as this blog is about Romance Fraud but I will write a blog on how to proceed with a banking challenge and how you can help yourself thereafter.

Subscribe

If you like this blog or find it of assistance then please, please share this to as many people as you can. The more people that read this blog the more they will be aware of the different frauds and scams that exist and the harder it will hopefully be for the scammers to get your money. As I have stated before my main aim of this blog is to raise awareness in the different type of scams that exist so that less people fall victim.

If you wish to be made aware of future blogs then please subscribe to the website on the main page and feel free to comment on this blog if this has helped you in any way or if you have further questions.